Soulmate
by Cynamin
Summary: Heroes of Myth & Legend #3 - Buffy and Angel struggle to reconcile their drastically different
1. Chapter One

**Soulmate** by Cynamin _**Disclaimers**: If I owned them, would this be called fan fiction?_   
_**Spoilers**: My stories "Phoenix" and "Guardian." This series diverged after the Angel episode "Sanctuary" happened. It is now six years later._   
_**Content**: B/A, of course!_   
_**Distribution**: If you have anything else of mine, you can have this._ _Otherwise, please ask._   
_**Notes**: Yes, you have to read "Phoenix" and "Guardian" for this to make sense. Both are located at my site at http://www.ficgoddess.com This takes place six years after "Guardian."_   
_**Feedback**: Oh please oh please oh please!_

* * *

**Part One**

Willow's voice carried strongly over her small, fascinated group of students. Gone was her shyness that had once seized her at talking in front of people. It helped that this small group was so interested in what she was saying. They were all here by choice; this wasn't a class per say. 

The group of them sat in a small circle of desks, various books propped in front of them. Willow – Ms. Rosenberg to her students – had her attention on a young man who had been eagerly speaking the moment before. 

"This isn't a demonology club," Willow pointed out calmly. A good thing it wasn't, too – not only did demonology hit too close to reality, it was likely to get her in trouble with the school principal. "I know the line between mythology and demonology can be fuzzy at times, but try and keep that in mind the next time we meet, okay?" 

The boy - Joseph by name, and _never_ went by Joe – nodded reluctantly. "Yes, Ms. Rosenberg." 

Willow smiled at him. "If you _really_ want to research monsters," she said, "I can recommend some books for you for your own time." 

Joseph smiled, obviously pleased. 

Willow glanced at the clock. 3:45 PM. "That's all," she said pleasantly. "When we meet again on Thursday, be prepared to talk about your favorite mythological creature." 

A figure hesitated in the doorway, and Willow smiled. "Be as creative as you like. You can bring in a creature oriented story, like the minotaur in the labyrinth, or a lesser developed creature, such as the basilisk or the phoenix…" She could see her patient visitor stifle a laugh. "Off with you now. Or you'll miss the late bus." 

The young people clambered out of their chairs in the cacophony of departing students, asking quick questions and waving goodbye to her as they streamed out the door. Their bright young cheerfulness was a contrast to the man who now stepped into the classroom to get out of their way, somber in dark clothes with centuries to his age. 

For all that, his eyes twinkled with amusement. "Mythological creatures?" he asked. 

Willow grinned back. "You know you're my favorite mythological creature, Angel," she teased. 

The ex-vampire turned near-immortal warrior laughed openly. "It's good to see you, Willow," he said. "It's been…." 

"Two months, five days," she replied. "She counts." 

Angel frowned, looking dreadfully unhappy for a moment. "So do I," he said softly. He blinked at her for a second. "Where is she?" he asked. "I checked the apartment, but she wasn't there, and she's not in her office either." 

"She has a self defense class she teaches in the gym on Tuesday afternoons," Willow provided. 

Angel brightened visibly and started for the door. He stopped himself. "Willow…" 

Willow chuckled. "It's okay, Angel. I know I'm not the one you came here to see." She crossed the space between them in a couple of steps and wrapped him in a brief, surprise hug. "It's good that you're here," she said. 

Angel simply smiled, and hurried on his way out of the room.   


* * *

Buffy had been feeling something coming for days now. Her connection to the Hellmouth had only strengthened her 'Slayer sense.' Clarified it. This wasn't a bad sense, though. No sense of danger or darkness. Just strength and light. 

Anticipation. 

Even as the thought of the sense's probable cause made her smile, she tried her best to ignore it and teach her class. Ignoring it, though, only seemed to make it stronger. 

She kept her focus on the class as best she could. "Pair off," she said to them. "Take turns trying the new moves, and be careful." 

She watched them, correcting here and there, praising elsewhere. All the while her mind processed that something moving closer still. It was here. 

Buffy turned towards the door to greet the face she _knew_ she'd find there. It seemed the moment ran in slow motion. Delightful anticipation. 

"Miss Summers!" The moment was broken, and Buffy spun instead to face one of her students. She was a small girl that reminded Buffy of herself, with the exception of the fact that the girl was completely normal. She stood with her partner behind her, looking incredibly frustrated. "I don't get it," she said. "How do _you_ do it? I mean…" 

"Because I'm so small?" Buffy asked. 

The girl nodded. 

Buffy smiled. "Perhaps a demonstration?" she asked. She had everyone's attention now. They were eager for a show, and she was more than willing to give them one. "I need someone to help me demonstrate," she said. 

That was Angel's cue, and he knew it, making his entrance to the gym. Buffy turned at last to look at him, grinning from ear to ear. She wanted to show him just how glad she was the he was there, but she couldn't in front of the class. Instead she simply joked, "A willing victim." 

The class chuckled, and Angel smiled back but said nothing. 

"This is my friend, Angel," Buffy said for the benefit of the class. "We practice together a lot," _when he's in town_, "and now he's going to attack me." Buffy slipped easily into her fight stance. 

Angel took a second longer, putting down his coat. "I don't want to hurt you," he said with a teasing smirk. 

Buffy loved every moment of their exchange, even if she wished their reunion were a little less public. Instead of replying, she just smiled, and an instant later ducked his initial blow. They slipped easily into their old patterns, anticipating each other's moves. There was a hush over the gathering, the frequently rambunctious students now silent. Buffy was only vaguely aware of this, caught in the exchange of blows and blocks. They were evenly matched as always, in a battle that could have gone on for hours. Well, if they didn't have other things they'd rather be doing this evening. 

Angel ducked one of Buffy's blows and abruptly stumbled. Overbalanced, Buffy went down as well, her full weight sending both of them crashing to the ground. Angel's body cushioned Buffy's fall, and he grunted with the impact. 

Buffy found the wind knocked out of her, but not because of the fall. It had been over two months this time. Now she was on top of him, staring into his eyes…. 

"Your class," Angel whispered. 

Buffy felt herself blush slightly, suddenly reaware of their audience. Their applause slackened off as Buffy clambered to her feet. "Thank you," she said to her students. Angel stood up a little slower, and – Buffy noticed with a bit of concern – he was slower still in straightening all the way, one hand pressed against his side. "I think that's enough for today," she said to the class. "See you all next week." 

The class gathered their things and wandered from the gym. Before they were all gone, Buffy turned her full attention on Angel. 'A sight for sore eyes' seemed a massive understatement. 

Her gaze shifted to Angel's hand, still against his side. "Are you okay?" she asked. "Did I hurt you?" 

He shook his head. "Healing injury," he explained. Buffy must have made quite a face, because he was quick to reassure her. "It's almost healed." 

That didn't reassure Buffy much. "How bad… What happened?" 

"It's not a big deal, Buffy," he said gently. "These things happen. A demon was faster than I was." 

"It is a big deal!" Buffy yelled abruptly, two months of concern exploding to life. "Where was Jade?" 

"I haven't seen her for a while," he admitted gently. "She leaves me to do things on my own now. She has other tasks." 

"Other tasks?! She's supposed to take care of you!" Buffy was nearly shaking in distress. 

"Hey," Angel said softly, taking her easily into his arms. 

Buffy burrowed her head into his shoulder, breathing in his personal scent. "I'm supposed to take care of you." 

"Shh," he whispered in her ear. "I missed you," he declared softly. 

Buffy swallowed hard. "I missed you." She pulled away only far enough to see his face. He smiled at her a bit uncertainly, and she smiled back as best she could, pausing to wipe her eyes. "Let's go home."   


* * *

Willow did not bask in the joyous glow of reunion. She had been going to – to say hello, maybe even invite the two of them over to a group dinner. She had smiled when she heard the students leaving the gym, laughing at their teacher's antics. But the image of the two of them standing in the gym, upset, near tears, with that tenderness that was ever between them, made her freeze. 

She ached for her best friend, and for the love that was in and out of her life but never truly departed from it. Willow was silent as she turned away from the door and the heartbreaking scene within. When the changes began, it seemed that Buffy and Angel's new natures were a wonderful bonus to them being together. Still in love, they could fight side by side through centuries. 

Now it seemed as if their very natures were tearing them apart. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Soulmate** by Cynamin 

* * *

**Part Two**

The apartment had been bought by two people, for two people. The master bedroom had a delightfully large bed with a beautiful carved headboard. The bathroom had two sinks, two drawers...everything had been made for two. 

Still, Angel never seemed to have moved in. His side of the bathroom was too neat, his clothes in the closet and drawer were too sparse. Moments like now, when he was there, his coat hung in the coat closet, his bags sat in the hall, and he seemed to be at any moment ready to pack up and leave again. 

If it was strange now to Buffy when Angel was in town, strange to live with another person, it was stranger still when he wasn't there. This was an apartment meant for two, something that Buffy was only too aware of when she was alone. 

Thus Buffy found herself staring in melancholy at his toothbrush. 

A soft noise in the bathroom doorway made Buffy spin. 

"Sorry," Angel said, holding up his hands and smiling sheepishly. "I didn't mean to startle you." 

Buffy smiled, but knew it was half-hearted. "It's okay." 

"What's wrong?" he asked, coming up behind her. 

Buffy glanced at his reflection in the mirror. "I just...am used to being alone here." 

"Oh." Angel swallowed. "Do you want me to leave you alone?" 

"No!" Buffy said quickly. "Stay." She smiled and turned, a bare hair's breadth between them. "Stay forever. Please." 

Angel smiled back at her. He raised a hand to cup her cheek lightly. "I would if I could," he whispered back. "You know that." 

"I know." She forced herself to remain smiling at him. "How long are you staying this time?" 

Angel shrugged. "I don't know yet." 

Buffy's smile slipped. His time in Sunnydale between Callings had been getting shorter and shorter, and the absences had been getting longer. She was secretly terrified that one day he wouldn't return at all. 

He saw her distress and held her close for a moment. "Let's make the most of right now," he said. 

Buffy nodded. There wasn't much else they could do. 

There was an abrupt knock on their front door, and Buffy jumped. Then she laughed, and Angel chuckled with her. "I must be nervous or something," she said, pulling away. 

The knock on the door came again. 

"Coming!" Buffy yelled, though it was doubtful she could be heard. 

Angel and her exchanged a grin. "You could ignore it and hope they go away," he said. 

She smiled. "Tempting, but no. Could be a friend." She stepped out of the bathroom with him lingering a couple of steps behind. 

Buffy opened the door easily, to find Willow on the other side, her hand poised to knock again. Xander stood behind her, a pair of pizza boxes in his hands. 

"Hey," Willow said in greeting. "Hope we're not interrupting anything." 

"Uh, no," Buffy replied, surprised but smiling despite herself. "What are you guys doing here?" 

Willow smiled. "I saw Angel today. And I was going to invite the two of you to, you know, a whole group dinner, but I saw you two leave and figured it could wait...and then I could have called, but I wanted to surprise you." 

"Can we come in?" Xander asked, gesturing with the pizza boxes. 

"Of course." Buffy stood aside, still smiling. "Just the two of you?" she asked. 

Both Willow and Xander nodded. "Anya is working late tonight," Xander explained. She'd taken to a lot of odd jobs in her time since college. Right now she was a waitress. Who knew what she'd be doing next week. 

Buffy just smiled, glad to have the company, even if she was looking forward to spending time alone with Angel. Having her two best friends over kept her mind off...more depressing issues. She took the pizzas into the kitchen. "Were you planning on feeding an army, then?" she asked, looking at the two, quite large pizzas. She could never eat that much. 

"That's just for Xander," Willow teased. 

"Hey!" he protested, smiling as well. "Besides, I figured Angel could always help. How about it?" 

Angel, just making his way fully into the main living area of the apartment, looked a bit confused. "Not until I know what I'm agreeing to," he said. 

"Pizza," Buffy explained succinctly. 

"And a movie," Willow added. "We brought bad horror movies, too." 

"Alright," Angel agreed. 

Buffy smiled and pulled out the plates. Heavier issues – like just what she and Angel were going to do – could wait until later.   


* * *

One bad horror movie and two pizza's later, the four of them were sprawled around the apartment's living area. Buffy and Angel took up most of the couch, Buffy practically curled into Angel's lap where she had taken refuge during one of the movie's tenser moments. Willow was sitting on the last corner of the couch, her knees folded under her. Xander had taken the floor at some point in the evening, to better reach the food, and had stayed there. 

They were laughing, and happy for the moment. It felt almost as if they were back in high school. Back when things had been easier, and they didn't have too think so much of the future beyond whether they'd survive the next apocalypse. Life, death, family, career...these hadn't been things they'd spoken about then. And they weren't what they spoke about now. 

"Okay, can someone explain to me _why_ he somehow ended up with his shirt off as he was chasing the monster?" Xander asked, annoyed. 

"You didn't complain at the gratuitous shower scene," Buffy pointed out. 

"Well no..." 

"Besides, he's hot," Buffy finished. 

"Hey!" Angel mock protested. 

Buffy laughed. "Which is not to say I was looking at him at all," she teased. 

Xander and Willow laughed. 

"Anyway," Willow said. "I think it's some sort of Hollywood rule. No matter how in appropriate the moment, there must be at least one shirtless scene – male or female – per movie." 

"Hear hear," Xander agreed. 

Where she was lying, Buffy felt Angel tense oddly and abruptly. "Angel?" she asked. 

"Hmm?" 

She looked up into his eyes. "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing. Nothing's wrong." Angel's body did not relax though. 

"You're tense all of a sudden," she pointed out. 

Neither Xander nor Willow said a word, watching the exchange. 

"Nothing's wrong," Angel insisted. He let out a long sigh, stretched, and forced himself to relax. "See?" 

Buffy could tell how fake it was. "Angel..." 

He just smiled and brushed off her concerns. "How about another movie? What else did you bring?" 

Buffy sighed, and let herself once again forget her own concerns until later, when they were alone.   


* * *

Angel tried his best to ignore it. Even after Willow and Xander left, he did not mention it. Buffy ignored it as well, the little bit she perceived. They didn't talk about it at all. They just took those rare moments when they were alone together and treasured them as best they could, trying to forget just how brief such moments could be. 

It could not be put off forever, though. Nor could it, Angel noted sadly, be put off as much as a single day. He awoke well before dawn, Buffy still sound asleep at his side. There was that familiar tugging at his mind, forever spurring him onward. No matter how exhausted he was, no matter how heart-sore or how he wished for one day he could just _stop_, it tugged at him. It awoke him from a sound sleep next to his beloved. And no matter how much his heart wanted to stay here forever, his Calling would not be ignored. 

As silently as he could, Angel arose from the bed. He dressed in the darkness, trying to ignore his emotions just as he'd ignored the Calling earlier in the evening. He wasn't much more successful at that attempt, either. 

He never knew anymore how long he would be in any one place or where he would be from one day to the next. He had absolutely no control over his life. And though he told no one, that terrified him. 

"Angel?" 

Angel froze in the midst of buttoning his shirt. He looked over his shoulder at Buffy, her hair mussed and her expression tired. Her eyes went wide. 

"You're leaving," she said simply. 

Angel swallowed. "Yes," he whispered. 

"Where are you going?" 

"I don't know," Angel admitted. "I'll know it when I get there." 

"When will you return?" Her voice was...heartbreaking. 

"I don't know." 

Angel could not look at her any longer, at the tears threatening to spill from her eyes that he could not possibly assuage. He tried to focus on the buttons of his shirt and not on the slight hitching of her breath. 

"Angel..." she said after a moment. 

"Don't," Angel interrupted, a bit more harshly than he's intended. 

"What?" 

"Don't ask me to stay," Angel said hoarsely, his own tears threatening as well. 

"I..." her breath caught in a sob. "I don't know if I can do this anymore, Angel!" she exclaimed. 

Her sadness nearly tore him apart. _Why can't we have just one day? Just one?_ He swallowed hard. Maybe he should have let her let him go, all those years ago. He couldn't admit that, though. He needed every moment he could get. "I don't know if I can either," he whispered, not knowing nor caring whether she heard him. 

"Angel..." 

Fully dressed, Angel faced her again. "Don't," he said. "Don't ever say goodbye. Please." 

She sniffled. "Then what? Until when?" she managed. 

Angel came to her side, reaching out gently to caress her face. "I don't know," he said again, and kissed her ever so gently. The barest touching of lips before he pulled away. 

"Stay," she whispered into his lips as he withdrew from her. 

"Forever, if I could," Angel whispered back. 

"But you can't." 

"I'm needed," he replied. 

"You're needed here," she pointed out. 

Angel stood tall, turning away from her. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he had to do. "I love you," he said without looking at her, then left the room before he could hear her reply. 

He could hear her sobs though, even through the closed door. They tore his heart into pieces. 


	3. Chapter Three

**Soulmate** by Cynamin 

* * *

**Part Three**

When the phone rang at 3:46 in the morning, Willow did not hesitate to answer it. Living on the Hellmouth, she had quickly learned that late night calls could easily mean terrible emergencies. She was not expecting a best friend in absolute tears, however. She was crying so hard that it was nearly impossible to understand what she was saying. 

"I hate it!" Buffy yelled – one of the first coherent things she'd said since Willow had picked up the phone. "I love him, and I hate it!" 

"Ssh," Willow said gently. "You're not making much sense, Buffy." 

Buffy sobbed. "I can't do this, Willow. I can't." 

"Calm down," Willow tried. "Tell me what happened." 

"Angel..." Buffy managed between breaths, obviously fighting to stop her tears. 

"What about Angel?" Willow asked quickly. "Did something happen to him?" 

Buffy swallowed hard. "Happen _to_ him? No...." 

"Then what is it? Come on, tell me what happened." 

Buffy let out a long, shaky sigh. "He's gone," she finally managed. "He left." 

"Left?" Willow asked in surprise. "Oh. But...he just got back." 

Buffy sniffled. "Doesn't matter, apparently." 

"Oh, Buffy..." 

"I can't keep doing this!" Buffy cried, her voice cracking. "I can't keep waiting for him." 

Willow was shocked at Buffy's words. "You don't mean...?" 

"No!" Buffy protested. "I love him. I want to be _with_ him. Don't you understand? I want him here with me, or me with him, but I can't go anywhere! I'm stuck, forever...no change, nothing new...new places, new _life_.... And he...." She suppressed another sob. "Willow, I'm terrified. I'm terrified that he won't be back. That this is going to keep driving him...driving him away...running his life until there's nothing left!" 

Willow's heart went out to her friend. "Do you...want me to come over there?" 

Buffy sighed. "Willow..." 

"I'm coming over there," Willow clarified. 

"No," Buffy said, sounding exhausted now that her tears were done. "You...have school tomorrow and I shouldn't have called you." 

"Of course you should have called me!" Willow said. "I'm your friend. This is what I'm here for." 

"I interrupted your sleep," Buffy said weakly. 

"So what?" Willow said. "Besides, you've got to be at school tomorrow, too." 

"I know," Buffy replied. "My first appointment is bright and early." 

Willow did not bother to ask how Buffy could be an effective student advisor when her own life was such a mess. "Buffy...." 

"No, Willow, get some sleep," she said. "I'm...going to try to as well. I should be used to sleeping alone by now, right?" 

"Don't do this to yourself," Willow tried. 

Buffy sighed again. "Goodnight, Willow," she said, and hung up the phone. 

Willow did not hesitate. She dressed quickly, grabbed a bag of chocolates she kept tucked away for when she felt miserable, her car keys, and headed out the door. 

She froze abruptly. Standing on her front step was a very familiar white-haired woman of uncertain age. She looked just as exhausted as Willow felt and Buffy had sounded. 

Jade's tone, however, was direct and to the point. 

"We need to talk."   


* * *

For all of her business-like tone at the door, Jade was reluctant to actually speak about what she'd come there to speak about. The coffee had gotten cold and Willow was yawning before the strange woman actually said anything. 

Jade took a long sip of her coffee, grimaced, and put it aside. "This is getting out of control," she said. 

Willow didn't need to ask what she was referring to. "Getting?" she said. "You didn't hear Buffy one the phone before you got here." 

The older woman looked up at Willow and sighed. "Okay, it's gone," she agreed wearily. "Gone completely out of control. This isn't how it's supposed to be, you know." 

Willow just looked at her. "It isn't?" 

Jade shook her head. "The rising of a Guardian is a rare event," she said. "But they come from Slayers. Dedicated, powerful, long-lived Slayers. And Slayers don't usually have the sort of lives where being tied to a location means this sort of...." 

"Anguish?" Willow suggested. 

Jade flinched. "Not quite the word I was going for," she said. 

"It's the truth." 

"Yes," she agreed. "The...typical Slayer is by nature isolated. To become the Guardian is to continue their task indefinitely, without the constant fear of death. It has been considered a blessing." 

"Yeah, well, Buffy's not the typical Slayer," Willow defended her friend. 

"No, she is not." Jade leaned back in her chair. "She has friends that she cares for very much...." 

"She's not really the problem, though," Willow said. "I mean, she's part of it, but she's not the one 'out of control.'" 

"Not at all. She's almost too in control," Jade said. She looked at Willow with pure exhaustion showing in her eyes. "I suppose I have only myself to blame." 

"For Angel," Willow finished. 

Jade nodded. "He is not like any other Phoenix I have heard of," she said. "I was so determined to make him like those that came before...." 

"He's unique," Willow said. 

"He is," Jade agreed. "When I first started working with him, I was so _frustrated_. He's not at all a cooperative student. And here I was supposed to be teaching him all about the abilities he possesses, and he was stuck in the 'kill the bad thing' method of demon hunting." 

Willow smiled slightly. 

"I am afraid I may have done him more harm than good in introducing him to his Calling," she finished softly. 

"What...?" Willow asked. "I mean, that's how he knows where he's needed, right?" 

Jade nodded. She brushed a strand of white hair behind her ear. "He...already had a strong sense of duty I did not take into account," she explained. "With the Calling on top of it...I am afraid there is little left to keep him grounded." 

"Oh." 

"Like I said – it is not supposed to be this way," she continued. "I had some hope that his ties to the Guardian and thus to the Hellmouth would help, but...." 

"But it hasn't." 

"It hasn't." Jade hung her head. "I can barely keep up with him anymore. By the time I reach a place – like here – he has already left! How am I supposed to help him like that?" 

Willow swallowed and looked at the older, wiser woman helplessly. "I don't know," she said. "If I did... Why did you come to me, anyway?" 

Jade raised her head to look at the young witch once again. "I had hoped..." She trailed off, then began again. "You know both of them far better than I. And you have access to different sources than I do." 

Willow blinked at her. "Don't you have access to, like, the Powers?" 

"They do not concern themselves with such things," Jade said. "Emotional matters...are rather beyond them so long as their chosen few perform their appointed tasks." 

That was a quite disheartening point of view. "I don't know what to say," Willow began. 

"Well," Jade sighed, "perhaps it was too much to hope for." She rose from the couch. 

"No!" Willow said quickly. "I mean, just because I don't have an idea off the top of my head doesn't mean I'm giving up!" 

Jade looked at her for a moment. "You mean that?" 

Willow nodded eagerly. "Do you really think that we could do something?" she asked. "I hate to see them so miserable." 

"So do I," Jade agreed. "And I don't know if anything can be done. But...you will help me try?" 

Willow smiled tiredly. "Could you meet me at the magic shop tomorrow evening?" 

"I suppose. Why?" 

"Giles gathered a small collection of Phoenix lore once he found out about Angel," she said. "I thought...if we had no where else to start...we could start there." 

Jade smiled, seeming far more pleased than when she came in. "I was right to come to you," she said. "Tomorrow, then." And with those parting words the strange woman left Willow alone in her living room. 

Willow sighed and leaned back into her chair. Almost five o'clock in the morning. Should she bother even going back to bed or not? 


	4. Chapter Four

**Soulmate** by Cynamin 

* * *

**Part Four**

The three days following Angel's abrupt nighttime departure were among the most physically and emotionally exhausting in Buffy's life. She had just allowed herself to feel the relief of Angel's arrival, an arrival she had felt coming for days before he reappeared in Sunnydale. But in the space of one night, her hopes for some time with the one she loved had been torn to pieces. 

She worried, and she waited. She worried that he had not had enough time to rest from one adventure before starting on the next, and that without that some demon would do him in for good this time. She waited...for anything. But he didn't call, and he didn't return. 

Exhausted, Buffy returned to her – their? – apartment. The day in school had just seemed to stretch on forever. Buffy considered canceling the girl's night out Willow had suggested earlier in the week. She was just so...drained. She needed this weekend. With a sigh, she placed her key in the lock in the front door...and it swung open, improperly latched. 

Buffy was instantly on alert. She _always_ locked the door when she left in the morning. She stepped into the doorway, ready in an instant to drop her bag and fight whatever awaited her. A step further.... 

She stumbled over a bag lying across the doorway. Cursing to herself, Buffy regained her balance quickly, dropping her own bag in the process. She looked at what had tripped her...and stopped. 

Angel's duffle. 

Part of Buffy wanted to scream for joy right there. He was back! And so much sooner than she had expected. But her unease did not vanish so easily. 

"Angel?" she called into the apartment. 

There was no response. Buffy placed her keys on the table and looked around. No lights had been turned on, even though the sun had nearly set. She flicked on the switch in the living room, bathing the area in unforgiving light. Angel was not on the couch, nor was he in the kitchen unless he was hiding under the counter. 

"Angel?" Buffy called again, making her way down the hallway. The bedroom door was wide open, and there were no lights one here, either. And there was still no response, nor any sound of another living person in the apartment. She looked around the semi-darkness, growing more and more worried by the moment. 

At last, she caught a glimpse of light underneath the bathroom door. Buffy smiled. He must not have heard her. She knocked firmly. "Angel!" 

Once again, no response. 

Buffy bit her lip, and opened the bathroom door. It was unlocked and swung open easily...but blocked after a moment. She leaned her head around the door to see why it wouldn't open...and gasped. 

Angel _was_ there, but.... Unconscious, he sat slumped against the edge of the bathtub, completely oblivious to Buffy's nearly frantic worry. His face was bruised and his clothing was tattered. He looked absolutely terrible. Deathly still. 

"Angel!" Buffy cried, squirming through the open door and trying her best not to jostle him. She knelt at his side at an instant. Her hands fluttered about his skin, momentarily at a loss for what to do. She felt for a pulse at last, and found it, if weaker than she'd hoped. Then she began to inspect him for wounds. 

What she found nearly brought tears to her eyes. Under his thoroughly torn shirt, a hasty bandage adorned most of his abdomen. It was completely permeated with blood. 

"Oh, god," Buffy muttered to herself. She had known something like this was going to happen. As gently as she could, Buffy removed Angel's torn shirt from his still form. She tried her best not to jostle him, but even whatever pain she caused wasn't waking him up right now. There was yet another bandage on his back, smaller than the first, but this one had left a bloody streak on the bathroom tile behind him. 

Buffy hesitated to look at his wounds. She ached just to see the bandages. A part of her knew that if he had been anything other than what he was – a nearly immortal warrior – he would be dead now. It was a wonder that he had managed to make it home in this condition at all. 

With tears in her eyes, Buffy removed the bandage on his stomach. The horrible wound was already healing, but he still looked like something had made raw meat out of his middle. Something not nearly as 'clean' as a sword or other blade – this wound was torn and uneven. His body had saved itself by slowing the bleeding to a mere weeping of blood, but what was left would have made Buffy sick to look at on any other person. As it was, it took all of her effort not to cry as he lay still in her arms. She washed his wounds, front and back, as gently as was humanly possible. Then, at last, she re-bandaged his torso with clean dressings – likely what he'd gone into the bathroom to do in the first place. 

There was only one more thing she could do for now. Wincing sympathetically every time she shifted his body, Buffy lifted Angel to a position where she could half carry, half drag him to the bedroom. She had rarely been so glad for her Slayer strength. She placed him in the bed, pulled the covers to his chest, and kissed him ever so lightly on the forehead. 

Then she sat beside him to wait for him to regain consciousness.   


* * *

At first, no one answered when Willow knocked on the apartment door. Curious but not concerned, she knocked again, a little harder. Once again, there was no response. A neighbor peaked out of their door, then ducked back in again. 

Something drew Willow's eye as she waited. Shuffling her feet, she noticed a dark splotch on the cement of the doorjamb. Kneeling down to touch it, she found it not quite dry. Drawing the slightly sticky substance closer to her gaze, she frowned. Blood? 

Willow stood back up quickly and did not bother to knock this time. The doorknob turned easily, unlocked. "Buffy!" 

She was practically holding her breath as she waited for a response – any response. 

"Back here." 

Willow did not hear the voice immediately. It was muffled, from the very back of the apartment. She didn't *quite* run down the hall when she realized what she had heard. 

Buffy did not look up when Willow froze in the bedroom doorway. She just sat on the edge of the bed, holding on to Angel's hand like it was a lifeline. "I meant to call you," she said, "to cancel our evening." 

"Oh my god," Willow gasped, looking at Angel. He was as pale as she'd ever seen him in all his time as a vampire. He wasn't moving at all. "What happened to him?" 

Buffy ran a light hand along her unconscious love's forehead. "I don't know," she said. "He was like this when I got home." 

She looked up at Willow then, and her friend could see she'd been crying. "Actually, not like this. I cleaned him up and got him in bed...." Her voice got choked up in the middle and trailed off at the end. Her face looked absolutely miserable. 

"Oh, Buffy," Willow said, closing the space between them. 

Buffy bit back a sob. "I just knew something was going to happen. Something...." 

Willow was quickly at her side. "It'll be all right," she said. 

"But..." 

Willow silenced her with a look, then leaned over Angel. So many years at Buffy's side, and her first aid knowledge kicked in pretty quickly now. Angel's expression was pained even though he wasn't conscious, but he seemed to be resting pretty easily and his breathing was deep and even. Willow reached to check his pulse and found it normal and strong. She looked at Buffy. "How are his wounds?" she asked. 

At Buffy's faintly surprised look, she said, "I saw a drop of blood on the doorstep." 

Buffy swallowed audibly. "It...looks like he was...messily skewered." 

Willow could not bring herself to look and instead took Buffy's word for it. "And the bleeding?" 

"I don't think he's bleeding anymore," Buffy managed. "It...was slowing when I...bandaged him." 

Willow gave her best reassuring smile. "He's going to be fine." 

Buffy looked at her sharply. "Are you sure?" 

"I'm sure," Willow said. "Hey, he's tough to kill. And he's already getting better. It may take him a little while...." 

Buffy frowned and touched Angel's cheek. "I just hope the world gives him a while." 

Willow was silent for a moment, looking at her in sympathy and concern. "You look exhausted," she said. 

"I am." 

"Take a rest," Willow suggested. 

Buffy hesitated. "I..." 

"He won't begrudge you some rest, Buffy!" Willow said. "Please." She looked at Buffy earnestly. "I'll stay here in case you need me." She took a deep breath then. "Jade is coming over later." 

Buffy looked shocked at that. "What?!" 

Willow looked a bit sheepish. "I met with her the night Angel left," she explained. "She's worried." 

"She knew?!" Buffy snapped. 

"No, no! Not about this." Willow thought for a second about what to say. "She's worried like you've been worried. That Angel's...getting torn apart by what he is." 

There was a long silence between the two of them. "Oh," Buffy said at last, her voice barely above a whisper. 

"We're all worried," she said calmly. "And we're all going to do our best to help you. Both of you." 

Buffy gave her a small, sad smile. "Thanks, Willow." 

Willow grinned. "What are friends for?" 

Buffy chuckled slightly. 

"Now," Willow said, standing back from the bed, "you will get some rest. I will sit in the living room, and I will wake you when Jade gets here." 

Buffy smirked as she scooted to the empty side of the bed. "Yes, ma'am," she teased. 

Willow smiled and closed the bedroom door behind her. 


	5. Chapter Five

**Soulmate** by Cynamin 

* * *

**Part Five**

Angel awoke disoriented and in a _lot_ of pain. For a moment the pain overwhelmed him so that he hadn't a clue where he was. There was just sensation, like a tremendous heat all through his abdomen. Though, he gradually realized as his mind cleared from unconsciousness, it was not nearly as bad as it had been before. 

_The battle had moved, fortunately for any bystanders. Now, in the shopping mall's back lot, the demon assumed its true form. It seemed to split from its skin and clothing all at once with a horrible rending sound. It rose to its full height on legs that bent the wrong way. It now stood a good two heads taller than Angel, if not more, and its body was covered by slick fur over mottled scaly skin. It gave off a stench truly unlike anything Angel had smelled before._

_"Aren't you an ugly one," he commented. He removed his axe from under his coat._

_The hideous creature screeched its anger. Its arms ended somewhat like the forelegs of a praying mantis, but viciously serrated. It swiped at Angel, furious at his interruption. It had come here to feed. Angel could not let that happen._

_He threw himself to the side, rolled, and came back to his feet. It was not the most graceful of moves. His shoulder was slightly bruised from impact with the asphalt, but he ignored it. It would heal. There was something far more important right now – staying alive._

_The axe caught nothing but air as Angel attempted to strike. The demon tried for him in return. Angel jumped back. Neither one of them was injured. Neither one of them was giving up._

_Finally, Angel had enough. He needed this fight over _now_. His heart was hammering in his chest; his half healed wound from his previous battle pulled and ached. His limbs trembled with exhaustion. He could not keep this fight going much longer._

_The demon was back against the wall of the building. It couldn't back up. Dodging the demon's limbs, Angel abruptly ran right up close. He couldn't stay there and not get killed. The demon was startled for a moment. Then, with a vicious swing, Angel buried the head of his axe in the creature's torso._

_It screamed in pain, flailing, but would not die without taking its revenge. Angel was too close to avoid its death throws. Almost in slow motion, he saw one of those wicked limbs rear back and...time returned to normal as it effortlessly skewered Angel's stomach._

_Their screams of pain intermingled, unheard by any but each other._

Angel didn't remember how he'd gotten away from the creature's body. He didn't know how he'd gotten in his car and driven home. He _was_ home now, though. Home, in a room and a bed where he'd spent far too little of the last several years, a familiar body pressed softly against his side. 

Despite the pain that would linger for some time, Angel found himself smiling. Even if he had been well enough to move, he was perfectly happy to remain right here. 

If he was given the option. 

A door opened, startling Angel. Not the bedroom door which he could see, but the main door to the apartment. With Buffy asleep next to him, he grew alarmed. Whoever had just entered was greeted by a second voice from inside the apartment. Both were too hushed to recognize or make sense of. 

"Buffy," Angel whispered urgently, pressing a hand to her shoulder. 

She was reluctant to stir. Her eyelids were only partially opened as she blinked at him sleepily. "Hmm?" she managed. 

"There's someone here," he said a little louder. Were he not worried, and in pain, he's probably be amused by her sleepy distraction. 

She closed her eyes again. "Just Willow," she muttered, unconcerned. 

Angel relaxed. 

Abruptly, Buffy tensed. Her eyes shot open and she was fully awake. "Angel," she gasped. 

He smiled at her. "Hey," he said, amused by the reaction. It was as if she was shocked to see him. 

"I was so worried!" Buffy said quickly. "What happened? Are you okay? I mean, I know you're not okay, but...." 

"You're babbling," Angel pointed out. 

She smiled and took a deep breath. "I'm glad you're back," she said. "I just...wish it wasn't like this." 

"I'm fine," he said, then winced as the pain got more intense for a moment before fading again. 

Buffy just looked at him in patient disbelief. 

"I _will_ be fine," he modified his statement. 

"You will," Buffy agreed, but she didn't sound quite so confident. 

"Buffy," Angel said gently, "I'm here, aren't I? I'll heal." 

"If you're given time to," Buffy said, sounding a touch bitter. 

"Buffy..." 

"No, don't try to reassure me," Buffy interrupted. "Listen to me for a moment. Just this once, listen to me as I put my foot down." 

Angel had to fight a grin. She was adorable when she got pushy. 

"I don't care what is going on. I don't care how much 'they' need you. I need you, too. This...was cutting it way too close, Angel. You keep up like this, and I will lose you...and so will they." For a brief moment, deep sadness showed through her eyes. Then her resolve returned and she continued. "You are not going anywhere this time until you are fully healed. Do you hear me?" 

Angel swallowed hard. It just wasn't that simple. "Buffy..." 

"Do you hear me?" she repeated sternly. 

As an extra reminder, the pain returned in wave. "I hear you," Angel forced through gritted teeth. 

Buffy smiled at him tenderly. "Good," she said, sounding pleased. Love and concern were plain in her expression. "Don't ever do this again, okay?" 

Angel forced a grin. "I'll try." 

"Angel..." 

The door to the bedroom opened, cutting her off. A familiar red head peeked around the corner, blinking into the darkened room. "Buffy," she whispered. "I said I'd tell you when...." 

She was obviously startled by two sets of eyes staring back at her. 

"Oh!" she gasped happily. She continued in a normal speaking tone. "Angel! You're awake." 

"Hey, Willow," Angel said. 

Buffy sat up in bed, making the mattress move and Angel wince. "Sorry," she apologized, placing a loving hand on his shoulder. 

Willow looked beyond Angel to meet Buffy's eyes. "How is he?" she asked calmly. 

"Stubborn," Buffy retorted. "And in far more pain than he'll admit." 

"Well," Willow suggested. "I should probably take a look at his wounds. See how he's healing..." 

"Hey!" Angel interrupted. "Don't talk about me as if I wasn't here." 

The girls shared a smile over his head that Angel chose to ignore. 

"Now," he said calmly. "Who else is here?" 

Willow looked abruptly nervous. "Uh...Jade. She was coming over to talk to Buffy, but I guess she'd want to talk to both of you now." 

"Jade?" Angel asked, surprised. He hadn't seen the strange woman in months. She was supposed to help the Phoenix – Angel – in times of transition and times of crisis. Angel was suddenly worried as to which of those she considered this to be. Gritting his teeth against renewed pain, Angel struggled to sit up. 

"Oh no you don't!" Buffy scolded, her hand on his shoulder abruptly stronger. "You are staying right here." 

"But..." Angel tried, then took a deep breath. "What is she doing here?" 

"As she said, I am here to speak to you both." 

The familiar white-haired woman stood in the doorway, looking at him with the exaggerated patience Angel remembered from those days when she had taken it upon herself to train him. How he had hated those training sessions.... "Jade," he said flatly in greeting. 

She gave him a small smile. "Check on his wounds," she said to Willow. "I shall talk to the both of them at the same time. Right here...so as not to cause any undue stress." 

Willow chuckled. "So no moving for the patient," she reproached Angel. 

"There's a washcloth and fresh bandages in the bathroom," Buffy added. 

Willow nodded and went to get them. 

Finally Angel just couldn't put it off any longer. If the hole in his stomach didn't kill him, the suspense just might. "You needed to talk to us?" he said pointedly to Jade. 

She nodded, and pulled the desk chair over next to the bed. "I have been meeting with Willow over the last couple of days," she explained. "Ever since you left, Angel." 

Angel could not help his surprise at that. "Why?" 

"We've been trying to help," Willow spoke up, returning with an arm full of clean bandages. 

"Still needing explanation here," Buffy prompted. 

Jade sighed. "It...was not supposed to be like this," she tried. "Angel, I feel I have done you a great disservice, and now I need to fix it." 

She looked sorrowfully at them both. "I hope you can forgive me," she explained. "In forcing you to rise as the Phoenix again, Angel, and then forcing you to full use of the gifts that entails, I may have done more harm than good. Do you know how hard it was for me to even catch up with you?" She took a deep breath as if to calm herself. "The point is, the Guardian's fears are justified. Your calling has grown too strong. If it keeps driving you like this, sending you after every little demon on the globe, with never a chance to recuperate in between...you'll burn yourself out. It'll all be useless. You're supposed to be on call for major, end of the world type disasters. Not every minor invasion in existence." 

Angel could feel Buffy's emotions as she heard the worst of her fears confirmed. She was practically shaking in distress. Angel wanted to comfort her, then abruptly yelped as Willow removed one of the bandages that had gotten stuck to his wound. "Ow!" 

"Sorry," Willow said gently. 

Jade gave the two of them on the bed a sad smile. "Also," she said gently, "Buffy, Angel...I can't stand to see what this is doing to you on a personal level. Ignoring duty and roles in the universe.... I have also listened to Willow. And I would like it if there was some way for the both of you to...be together more often." 

"But?" Angel prompted sadly. 

"No 'but'," she replied, flashing a brief smile. "Your friend is quite determined, and so am I." 

Buffy's hand squeezed Angel's shoulder. "What do you mean by this?" she asked. "Can you...help? Fix this?" 

Jade's smile faded. "We don't know." 

Buffy tensed. Hope that Angel hadn't even realized was dawning in him faded away. He reached for the hand on his shoulder and held it tightly. 

"But we might have an idea!" Willow interrupted suddenly. 

"An idea?" 

"Not really an idea," Jade said more calmly. "A place to start looking." 

Willow took over the explanation. "Giles left a lot of his notes and stuff behind when he left for England. You know, 'cause we'd probably have more use for it than he would. Anyway...Angel, you remember that after you returned he started going through all sorts of Phoenix prophecy?" 

"Yeah," Angel acknowledged. He remembered Giles going over some of it with him. "Why?" 

"There was a fragment that he kept," Willow explained. "There wasn't enough decipherable text around it to be clear on the meaning. 'The Guardian and the Phoenix are one.'" 

Buffy and Angel looked at each other sharply at that. 

"Now, he sort of thought those might have been one and the same," Willow said. "You know, 'Guardian Angel' sort of idea. But...." 

"He worked on the text prior to Buffy becoming the Guardian," Angel said in understanding. 

Jade nodded. "Precisely. So it may have been referring to the two of you, instead." 

"What...what does that mean, then?" Buffy asked. 

"We're working on it." 

"But...there is hope?" Buffy's voice was tight. 

"Hope, yes," Jade agreed. "But I must warn you. We have no idea what this entails. It is merely a place to start looking." 

Angel found himself smiling again. "Anything you can do.... Anything...." 

"Of course," Jade agreed. 

Angel found Buffy smiling happily at him. This was good. This _had_ to be good. 

Because they just wouldn't settle for anything less.   


* * *

**_To be continued..._**   
Sorry about the cliffhanger! More coming soon... 


	6. Chapter Six

Soulmate By Cynamin 

**Part Six**

* * *

"Angel!" 

Buffy's voice had a note of panic in it that made the ex-vampire flinch. "I'm in the kitchen!" he called back. 

She appeared in the doorway only a moment later. Her hair was still mussed from sleep, her eyes weren't fully open, and she was still in her pajamas. "What are you doing?" she asked, confused. 

Angel smiled at her. "I was hungry," he said calmly. 

She frowned at him, her forehead scrunching up. "You should be in bed," she said sternly. She was definitely awake now, and was taking caring for Angel very seriously. 

"I'm a lot better," Angel protested. 

Buffy would not be swayed. "I don't care *how* fast you heal," she said. "You're not all better. And until you *are* all better, you are going to take it easy." 

"I'm not an invalid." 

She gave him a little smile. "If I say you're an invalid, than you're an invalid," she teased. "Now go sit down." 

"You know, I can make breakfast for myself," he pointed out, but even he had to know that he's already lost the battle. He made his way to the couch. 

"So," she said from the kitchen, "what's for breakfast?" 

"You're going to cook?" Angel asked, surprised. 

"I had to learn some time," Buffy pointed out. "So, what am I making?" She paused. "It's nothing complicated, is it?" 

Angel couldn't help but smile. "Just eggs." 

"Scrambled?" 

"Yeah." 

Buffy chuckled. "I can do that." 

They said nothing more as Buffy went to work on breakfast. Angel reclined in the couch, nearly drowsing. The smells and sounds of cooking filled the small apartment. 

It was only a couple of minutes before Buffy, too, made her way to the couch. She carried a full plate of eggs and two forks. Balancing the plate on one hand, she curled up next to him, leaning into his side. "Is this alright?" she asked. "Am I hurting you?" 

If there was a twinge, Angel wasn't going to admit it. "I'm fine." 

She looked at him, a bit doubtful. 

"Really, I'm healing," Angel insisted, taking a fork. 

"I just worry about you, is all," Buffy said after a moment. 

Angel smiled, touched by her concern. "I *will* be fine, really." 

She leaned into his side a bit more comfortably. "Yeah, well…you're going to have to put up with me taking care of you for a bit longer." 

"I don't mind," he replied, his tone light. 

She said nothing for a long while, slowly eating her breakfast. "Angel?" she said at last. 

"Yeah?" 

"When you're healed…. If Jade and Willow don't find anything…." She sighed. "What are we going to do?" 

"Don't worry about that now," Angel urged her. 

"Angel!" she said, exasperated. "We can't just ignore this. This is a real problem." 

Angel swallowed. Her outburst had been unexpected. "Ssh," he whispered. "I know." 

Buffy's distress was not so easily soothed. "What are we going to do?" she repeated. 

Angel had no answer for her besides the truth. "I don't know." 

* * *

"I think…this might be it," Willow said a bit hesitantly. All too often of late it had seemed that she might have found something, only to have it turn out to be useless. 

Jade made her way from the upper shelves of the magic shop and leaned over Willow's shoulder to take a look. Willow moved the open book a little closer to her. The white haired woman scanned the text carefully. 

"No," she declared. 

"Why not?" 

Jade shook her head and pointed. "See this? It's for cases involving parasitic demons where for some reason the demon can't be removed. It lessens the effects on the host without destroying the demon. We're not dealing with a demon." 

Willow looked at her helplessly. "But…couldn't we adapt it or something?" 

"Won't work," Jade disagreed. "The line between who and what Angel is isn't so defined. This isn't a case of possession. Using this spell would be like…trying to harm the Slayer without harming Buffy. It's not possible." 

"But…" Willow looked at her in confusion. "You're saying that Angel and the Phoenix are one and the same." 

"Yes," Jade agreed. "Sort of." 

"But I thought you said the Phoenix was sort of like an entity. An energy or something." 

"It is," Jade agreed. "Look, I'm closer to the supernatural side of this than just about anyone, but even I do not understand it fully. What I do know…for all intents and purposes, while Angel is alive, he *is* the Phoenix. When he dies, that…entity or energy, as I said, passes on to another at birth. And so it goes – from birth to death." 

"So it's not really like whatever makes Buffy the Slayer," Willow said. "She wasn't born the Slayer." 

"True," Jade agreed. "Though aside from that, I suppose the situation would be rather similar." 

Something about that phrase caught Willow's attention. "Could we use that?" she asked in a rush. 

"What?" Jade was obviously startled by Willow's tone. "What are you thinking?" 

Willow looked up at Jade. An idea was clarifying in her mind, though without the means to implement it. "You said that originally you hoped that Angel's emotional ties to Buffy would help prevent…what's happening now. But *what* each of them is is causing the problem. Not who they are." 

"Yes," Jade acknowledged, showing no clue that she knew where Willow was going with this. 

"But you just said that, except for some obvious differences, whatever makes Buffy the Slayer and Guardian is similar to whatever makes Angel the Phoenix." She shrugged. "You know, except that the Guardian is confined to one spot and the Phoenix just…." 

"Has perpetual wanderlust. Yes," Jade agreed once again. 

"Well, could we…use that similarity to somehow…" she gestured vaguely, "create a balance between them? You know…connect the Guardian and the Phoenix in some way so that they can find some sort of equilibrium?" 

"Equilibrium?" 

"Yeah," Willow said, nodding. "You know, like in high school science when you have two liquids of different concentrations and they run one into the other until they're the same…and I'm babbling, aren't I? Oh, this doesn't help at all, does it?" 

"No, I…" Jade thought for a moment. "You may be on to something, Willow." 

"You think so?" 

Jade smiled. "I don't know how we could manage it…but it's a workable theory." 

Willow grinned, pleased with herself. "Then let's make that theory a reality, shall we?" 


End file.
